Class of 2025

Today I went to register our girl for kindergarten.

Our sweet, little carefree, ready to take on the world, girl.

We walked into what will be her elementary school with her little hand -covered in pink nail polish and white polka dots- curled into the safety of my hand. My hand which has the ability to push and pull her in the direction I think is safest for her, the same hand that will hold on tight until that day in Fall comes, when I have to let go.

When we entered the school office I watched my little girl as she beamed from ear to ear explaining to the secretary that we were there to sign up for kindergarten so that she could get smart and then go to college. The realization of what she was explaining started to set in as I watched my little girl become a little more independent and my heart started to race. Lillie didn't seem to notice the onset of my anxiety though, because she just went right on chatting away at the young secretary -the stranger- about how excited she was to finally be going to the big school like JK and Molly do.

As I sat with the registration packet, I looked over at my tiny little girl and started to panic. I knew I needed a little more time. So, I asked to take the packet home, promising to bring it back by the end of the school day. Only, I didn't bring it back. Instead the filled out packet is now sitting by my bed. Waiting. Waiting while Clint and I pray a little more and talk a little longer about sending our little girl, who's birthday just happens to fall on the registration cutoff day to school next year, making her apart of the graduating class of 2025.

Because really the truth of the matter is not so much as to how I think she'll do, it's how I think I'll do. Honestly both Clint and I know Lillie will be fine as the oldest or youngest kid in her class, because which ever way we look at it, that's exactly what she'll be. The oldest or the youngest.

The real question that needs to be addressed is whether or not I'm ready to send my baby, my last child off to school with all of it's influences. I so badly want to be selfish and hold onto my baby girl for just one year longer. But if I do, is that the right thing for her? Is it fair to keep a bird in a cage, when is all that little bird wants to do is spread her wings and start her own journey?

Oh Lillie, who would have thought kindergarten registration would be such a difficult decision! If you had been born just one day later, this decision, well it wouldn't have been a decision at all.